Death and Rebirth
by Raven's Midnight Light
Summary: Duo is suddenly thrown into a deep depression when Heero unexpectedly brakes up with him. Heart broken, Duo starts acting in ways he normally wouldn't do. Every day falling deeper into his depression and further away from his comrads. They begin to worry
1. Heartbrake

**Warnings: **Yoai, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, blood, swearing, Drug use, um I think that's it... oh and sex!  
**Rating:** R for all of the above!  
**Spoilers:** Don't know yet, but not in this chapter!  
**Disclaimers:** I have to say it but I don't want to believe it! I don't own Gundam Wing! Or any of the songs I use. BUT I do own the poems that I put in this fic! And my own made up characters! Oh and I own this fic!

**Death & Rebirth  
Chapter One  
By: Raven's Midnight Light**

* * *

I was sitting on my bed crying for I had lost the one I loved to another. I don't know how long I've been sitting here, alone in what used to be our room. The curtains are closed I can see some sunlight starting to peer in through the cracks.  
  
"Must be dawn." I said as I started to stand up from the bed. I stand there for about a minute as I wipe the tears from my eyes. I walk over to the window and open the curtains. It wasn't that bright out yet. I can see the sunlight over the horizon shining over the countryside. Every minute it's brighter than the last. I look over to the alarm clock on the nightstand beside the bed; it's 5:45am it seems like only a minute ago that he said those horrible words to me.  
  
** Flashback  
**  
I heard Heero enter the room quietly I could feel the negative engergy building up as he aproched me on the bed. He didn't look happy, he looked blank there was a bit of sadness in his eyes though something I've learned to notice. Heero's true emotions lie in his eyes. Something wassn't right I got up off the bed and met him half way into the room. 

"Heero, what is it what wong? Did somthing happen?" I said in a panicy voice, but I knew it wassn't about the others because they were all at the safe house. I knew I just _knew_ something was off I just couldn't pin point it. Heero looked at me with a serious expression in his eyes. Now I knew something wassn't right.  
  
"Duo, you might want to sit down." Heero said. I looked at him with wide eyes but I took those 3 steps back and sat on the edge of the bed. I looked back at him, he took a step forward towards me then looked me straight in the eyes. "Duo, I don't love you anymore! I'm in love with some one else..." I didn't hear what else he said. I was in shock; I had hoped that we'd be together forever! He had promised me forever and beyond. "I'm sorry Duo, I'm leaving on a mission in a few minutes with Trowa. I'll see you in a couple of days." Heero said. I wanted to start crying right there and then I could feel the tear forming in my eyes but I refused to cry in front of Heero not this time. I had many questions but I couldn't speak them. All I could say was...  
  
"Ok" I had simply said "Goodbye my love!" With that Heero nelt down and took my chin in his hand and pulled me closer and gave me one last kiss. It was slow, gentle, and filled with sarrow. Heero's gentle way of aplogizing to me, one last offered kiss. The kiss broke all to soon, Heero stood up and quickly kissed me on the forhead then quietly left the way he came. When the door closed, I broke down I cried and cried I just lost another person I loved only this time it wassn't death that took some one away from me it was worse, it was to another. "Why?..." I quietly whisper to myself.  
  
** End of Flashback **  
  
So here I am 5 hours later, still in this room. Watching the sunrise. As the sun rises I feel more tears stream down my cheeks. After the sun had rose I decided to pull myself together, I don't want the others to see me like this. I must keep my happy attitude, somehow. I walk over to the dresser and pull out some clean clothes. A baggy black t-shirt that has the bad religion symbol on it I know, I know it doesn't quite go with the fact that I'm a catholic, but hey I'm not a good catholic! Not in the least. A pair of loose black baggy jeans and I grab a black sweatshirt that is miles to big for me and it says 'Bad Boy' on the back. I also grab a pair of black socks and boxers. I walk over to the bathroom that connects to what was Heero's room and mine, now it's just mine at least I think. He could have kicked me out when I was is shock and not listening. I don't know maybe I should stuff my shit in the hall closet in the hall and sleep on the on the sofa downstairs just in case and to be sure.  
  
I step into the bathroom and put my clean clothes on the counter next to the sink. Then I get two towels from under the sink and put them with my clothes. I turn on the shower and made sure the water was nice and hot! I hate cold water. I took off my boxers and unbraided my hair and stepped in. For the first minute or so I concentrate on getting my hair and body wet. Witch didn't take too long. I grab the shampoo and work a lather then rubbed my hands threw my hair. It really takes a long time to wash my hair because it's so long. After that is done I reach for the washcloth and soap, I washed myself of all the grime I felt on me.  
  
/Why doesn't Heero love me anymore? / I thought to myself. /What's wrong with me? Who was the person who stole you from me Heero? Why? Heero Why? / I stopped the water and twisted my hair to rid the access water in my hair. I stepped out and grabbed the towels I took out, and put one my head to soak out the water. I dried my self with the other. About five minutes later I was all dried, I rub the towel on my head threw my hair to make it dry faster. A minute later my hair was more or less dry, and take the towel off my head. I put on my clean pair of black boxers. I grab a brush from the medicine cabinet and run it through my hair. I just put it in a ponytail I don't feel like putting it in its usual braid I was just to drained to bother. I put on the rest of my clothes then grabbed the laundry then left the bathroom. As I walk to the bedroom door I dump the dirty things in the laundry basket by the door. /Ok, happy-go-lucky attitude, Meh! Smiles remember to smile! Ok here I go! / I walk down the hall passed Quatre's room, then wufei's. When I reached the end of the hall I walk down the stairs leading to the main room of downstairs. The living room. No one else was awake so I plopped myself on the couch and grabbed the remote, then turned on the T.V. in front of me. I browse through the channels for something close to interesting. I flipped to a cartoon channel and some anime was on, so I decided to watch it. /Wow, he is quite good looking! What an ass! Wow! Smokin! / As I was checking out a hot character on the show so I didn't hear one of the other pilots come down.  
  
"Hi Duo, you're up earlier than usual. Got a mission?"  
  
End. T.B.C.  
  
Well that was a weird piece of writing ne? Please Review!!!


	2. Hitting on Quatre

Death and Rebirth  
  
Duo's POV  
  
Note: I am alive I love all the people who read my fan fictions even though there aren't a lot of people reading them. But I never know people could be bothering to * REVIEW *. Please review I beg you! Tell me you love me!  
  
Duo: I guess the people out there don't like to see me suffer!  
  
Sakura: Some do some don't it's a freaking Drama/Angst  
  
Duo: So what are you going to do to me now?  
  
Sakura: A hell lot more than it the last chapter I do believe it's longer too!  
  
Duo: Joy!  
  
Sakura: I hope you like it! Hee-Chan could you please do the honors in saying the disclaimer for me?  
  
Heero: Don't call me Hee-Chan! ~AHEM~ This Onna does not own Gundam Wing nor pretend to! So suing her will be pointless! Mostly because, she has no money.  
  
Sakura: Thankies Hee-Kun!  
  
Heero: -_-;  
  
Duo: ON WITH THE FIC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Death and Rebirth  
  
Chapter two  
  
By: Sakura-2003  
  
"Hi Duo, you're up earlier than usual got a mission?" Quatre said Cheerfully too fucking cheerfully! Quatre is still wearing his pj's, well the bottoms anyway! Hehe they're blue!  
  
"Nope, I just thought I'd come downstairs. I've been awake for a few hours now." I said with my usual enthusiasm, hopefully any way, putting on a fake smile. Quatre gave me a wary look, like he saw through the deception. That's when I thought, "Hey, Quatre can I give you a nickname? And come sit with me, I'm so lonely over here by myself!" I said slightly purring the words out. Quatre is looking at me funny. I laughed, "Come on I won't bite... hard." I said as I winked. I know I know, I sound like I coming on to Quatre, oh but I am. I have to do something to keep my mind off of Heero... Oh Heero!  
  
"A nickname?" Quatre said as he walks over and sits on the couch, looking at me. I turned around lying back to lay my head on his lap, smiling shyly, sort of. And taking his hand in my own. He's looking at me weird again, I just made myself more comfy, and then I said...  
  
"Ya, a nickname how about 'Kitty Cat'? I think it's cute, just like you!" Bringing my finger to tap him lightly on the nose. I made myself blush a little. I wasn't lying, he is a cute little devil, really he is. I always thought that, Heero is smoldering hot! HEERO get the fuck out of my head. I almost messed up my act; I nearly let the goofy look in my face drop. Quatre's face lit up to the colour of a bright red tomato. I grinned up at him.  
  
"Duo..." Quatre said shyly and quietly, barely louder that a whisper. I'm looking at him, I bring his hand to my lips and lightly kiss the top of his hand, and then I say,  
  
"Yes, Quatre you are beautiful! You're eyes shine that aqua colour that reminds me of the Ocean, your hair reminds me of the golden sun, in the sunlight how you glow like an angel, and your skin teases me, overwhelming me to touch its softness!" I'm surprised on what I had just said the words just came out, and I wasn't the only one surprised. Quatre's eyes are as wide as saucers. I smile up at him sheepishly/halfheartedly.  
  
"Duo, I...um, you...Heero. Aren't you with Heero? I thought you two were a couple?" Quatre asks. Eyes and Voice filled with confusion, embarrassment, flattery, and so on. He HAD to mention Herro, THE MOTHER FUCKER, I LOVE, and BROKE MY HEART! GAH! I scream mentally. I scowl and give Quatre a cold, hard look. Heero was the last person I needed a reminder of, I wanted to forget him, even though I feel like I'm dieing faster every minute that Heero is away form me. But for the few minutes that I was talking to Quatre BEFORE he said *HIS* name I felt like everything was going to be ok, but this pain in my heart, it doesn't want to go away it's swallowing me whole. I must hide this pain, burry it. AND HE'S NOT boyfriend at least, not any more...  
  
I get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen. I'm so mad, I didn't realize Quatre fallow me. I slam my fist agents a cupboard door it cracks a little under the force of my blow, before I open it. Dipshit! I call Heero in my head. I can see Quatre giving me a worried look in the corner of my eye; I pull out a glass before I acknowledge to him that I know he's there.  
  
"Yes, kitty cat?" I ask flatly still giving him that hard glare, that I inherited form being around Heero so much, gerr! Quatre shifts under my gaze obvious that he's either scared or nervous, or both. Even thought there is not much difference between the words.  
  
"I...just wanted to know if you were ok, daijoubu [1]?" Quatre asks me worried. With that look in his eyes, I just can't stay mad at him, not that I am really mad at him, I'm mad at Heero. More than just mad, pissed, hurt, disgusted, GAH! I walk over to the fridge and pull out some purple stuff, grape juice! Hehe purple! My eyes are purple! I turn to look at Quatre still with the glare but slightly softer than before I still reply harshly,  
  
"No I am NOT ok!" Oh man I don't have to be so hard oh him, it's not his fault, no not at all. Well unless it's him that stole my Hee-Chan away from me. I have a feeling it's not, I have a strong feeling he's not the one, he was really surprised about earlier and he didn't know that Heero broke it off with me. So it's not him, and I'm supposed to be HAPPY! GOD DAMNIT, WHY ME WHY NOT TROWA, FUCK! Trowa.... 'I'm leaving on a mission in a few minutes with Trowa...' Heero's words running back through my head 'see you in a couple of days' I turn from Quatre so he wouldn't see the shock and realization in my face. It was Trowa. It was Trowa, My face and eyes when hard and twisted with pure hate and anger a look that would make the devil himself scared. A look an exasperation you would never dream of seeing on my face. I turn around in the direction of Quatre but not looking at him. My hold body is shaking. It was Trowa. It was...  
  
"Trowa..." I say his name lightly softer than a whisper but the same time filled with hate and anger. Quatre didn't hear me not that I was talking to him a that second. "IT WAS TROWA!!" I yelled in bloody murder as I threw my glass and the jug of grape juice at the wall, they hit with a loud crash and thunk. Glass and grape juice was everywhere! My heart rate and my breath was calming, I was calming enough to just relies what I just did, and in front of Quatre. Oh my God. I look at Quatre tears streaming down his eyes he looks scared and worried; he is shaking as much as I am maybe more. I shocked/still pissed of look to a gentle one just for him. As I talk at a normal tone free from anger or anything that was dwelling in me as I say "Gomen nasai [2] Kitty Cat! I didn't mean to be so well mean. Also for you seeing this whole thing. Onegai [3] forgive me!?" I could feel my own tears starting to come, one tear managed to slide down my face. I walk over to Quatre, who was a little nervous after seeing my mood swing. But, he let me up close to him. I cupped his face in m hands; I lift his face to look me n the eyes. I gently rub his tears from his eyes. With my own falling for numerous reasons. Fear, guilt, pain.  
  
"It's ok Duo, I do forgive you, here shh calm down Duo-Chan. Nani desu ka [4]?" Quatre's voice was so understanding. Quatre brought me into a hug, I hugged back, we just stand there for what seemed like hours but it was only a few minutes. We pulled apart when my sobs died down to a stop. "Nani desu ka Duo? Tell me." I look down at the floor I wasn't ready to tell him. I know it was a break up but Heero and I have been together for nearly a year and a half give or take a day or two something like that. He promised me so much, and he broke them all. Just last month he said he wanted to marry me, and I him. We were going to make it official in a few weeks, and then he just...DAMN YOU TROWA!!!  
  
"I can't not yet, I'm gunna go find something to do. See you later Kitty Cat!" with that Duo started to walk out of the kitchen when I was about to turn around and say, " Oh and Cat, I meant everything I said when we were on the couch. With that I ran up stairs. I had to find something to do other than using Quatre as my emotional punching bag. Quatre was still somewhat startled on what had just happened.  
  
"What happened Duo? What's wrong tell me...please. Does it something to do with Heero and/or Trowa? Why are you so mad? Tell me." Quatre thought aloud. He looked at the mess all over the kitchen and started to clean it up. "Oh Duo, I do care deeply for you!"  
  
End T.B.C.  
  
Notes: So what do you think? Please tell me! Make a blonde girl happy and REVIEW!!!  
  
Duo: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?  
  
Sakura: I like it!  
  
Quatre: Me too! Scary, but I liked it!  
  
Duo: I didn't say I didn't like I was just taken aback, that's all.  
  
Sakura & Quatre: Ok.  
  
Sakura, Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, & Wufei: REVIEW!!!!!!  
  
[1] Daijoubu = Are you ok? [2] Gomen Nasai = Very sorry [3] Onegai = Please [4] Nani desu ka = what is it? 


	3. No Strings Attached

**A.N. Hey yall! I'm back Muahahahahaha sorry this took so long to get this chapter up; I've been busy with getting Gundam Christmas updated. Yay! A new Chappie! Go me, Go me, Go, me... Chants to herself**  
  
Duo: -.-' Hikari...  
Sakura: blink ...Yami?  
Duo: never mind...  
Sakura: o.0?  
Duo: -.-' on with the fic!  
  
**Disclaimer:** I swear Officer I don't own Gundam Wing bandi and some other weird companies do... I was just barrowing the characters don't arrest me I'm too young to go to jail! Don't sue me either I HAVE NO MONEY!  
  
**Warnings:** There is a lemon in this chapter be nice it's like my first time writing one...  
  
**Death and Rebirth   
Chapter Three   
By: Sakura-2003**  
  
-----(0)-----  
  
"What happened Duo? What's wrong tell me...please. Does it something to do with Heero and/or Trowa? Why are you so mad? Tell me." Quatre thought aloud. He looked at the mess all over the kitchen and started to clean it up. "Oh Duo, I do care deeply for you!"  
  
-Duo's POV-

I got upstairs and walked to my room, it was 6:59 am now Wufei should be getting up anytime now. I should give him a nickname too! I got it, Neko! Hehe cute eh? I walk over to my dresser and open my boxer drawer, I move things around and I find what I was looking for. A big bag of pot, I pick it up and head over to the bed. I sit down and grab the rolling paper from inside the bag I roll two joints and light up with the lighter the lighter that was also in the bag. I take a puff.  
  
"Oh shit that feels good. Me getting high!" I laugh at myself. About a minute later I was almost done my first joint, gerrr ah wait I have MORE MUAHAHAHAHA hehehe. Yes I'm crazy but I'm high! I think I'm going to go see if Wufei he's awake or not. Hehe. If not I'll grope him. "I wanna see your sexy body go bump bump bump!! Wufei you get me so hard, set me free sexy!" I said feeling the hardness in-between my legs tighten. I wobbled over to Wufei's room I finished off the rest of my joint and opened the door and poked my head in Wufei was still asleep. I look over at the alarm clock; it's going to go off any minute. I quietly run over and turn off the alarm with a soft 'click.' I turn around to look at the sleeping form of Wufei "Beautiful." I say quietly to myself as I lay down beside him on the bed. His chest is bear, his skin a light cinnamon color. His blanket only comes up to his waist, but I can tell he's completely naked underneath.  
  
I place my hand on his chest and explore all the different planes memorizing every inch of it. I brush my fingers one of his nipples. I hear his breathe catch Wufei is starting to wake. I play with it pinching it in between my fingers hardening it. I sit up putting my right leg in between Wufei's, I can see Wufei growing hard trough the sheet. I bring my head down to capture Wufei's other nipple in my mouth twirling my tong around it in tiny circles, sucking on it roughly. Wufei moaned at the contact, I look up at him his eyes are open and looking at my eyes filled with lust. With my lips sill on his nipple I smirk evilly at him. I bring my head up to his lips and I say cheerfully,  
  
"Good morning!" I kiss him passionately surprised when he starting to kiss back with just as much force and passion. I moan into his mouth, opening my mouth to Wufei I feel his tong enter my mouth searching every corner of my mouth. He runs his tong alone mine; I run my tough back ageist his, our tongs doing a passionate dance. I enter Wufei's mouth searching, tasting, and worshiping every corner of his mouth. We pulled apart breaking the kiss gasping for breath.  
  
"Good Morning!" Wufei says in-between breaths, smiling slightly. I smile at him, straddling him, placing one leg on either side of him. I start to kiss the crook of his neck licking it quickly before I move to the middle if his chest, kissing and licking down. Moving down his body, pushing the sheet away as I move. I dip my tong in his bellybutton, a moan escaped Wufei's lips. I gowned at the sound or his voice filled with lust. I pull the sheet completely off of him revealing his erection, I like my lips hungrily. I look at him briefly before I lean down and putting my mouth around his erection sucking on it. Wufei moaned loudly. I run my tong along the underside of his erection swirling my tong around it, licking the tip. "Duo?" Wufei moaned. 

"Yes?" I simply reply sitting up.

"You are wearing way too much clothing!" Wufei breathed out. I gave him a simple grin he was right. I moved off the bed, Wufei making a sound of protest of me moving away. I gripped the ends of my sweater and my shirt lifting my arms up taking off them off in one fluid movement. Wufei sat up facing me watching me with interest. I undo my pants pulling them down along with my boxers so I was standing in front of Wufei in all my glory, proudly erect. Wufei's eyes travelled up and down my body in a trance. I move back to the bed lying down pulling Wufei on top of me. I breathe in his ear…

"Fuck me Wufei! Fuck me now! Take me raw! No prep!" I demanded obviously the command turning on the Chinese pilot even more. Wufei nodded as he picked up one of my legs and placed it on his shoulder while I wrapped the other around his waist. Wufei entered me with a long strong thrust, it felt like I was being ripped in half it was painful and I loved it. I screamed out in pleasure and pain and I grip at the bed sheets. Wufei pulled out then thrusted back into me with more force and speed. I cried out again I was loving every ounce of pain I was physically feeling drowning out the pain in my soul. I wanted more. I was riding on a delicate line of pleasure and pain embracing everything I felt. I wanted even more. "More Wufei!" I said aloud, and wufei gladly gave me more. He trusted in me harder and faster with every thrust. I was to the point of screaming out his name when he took my arousal and started jacking me in time with his thrusts. I was still screaming; screaming out in pleasure and in pain. I was loving every minute of it. I burry my right hand in his hair tangling it in his long black locks of hair. I was going to cum soon I felt his cock twitch inside me he was going to cum soon as well.

"Duo…" Wufei moaned out looking at me straight in the eyes, I was looking back at him. We made a silent agreement then. There would be no strings attached to this. No emotional ties no nothing just two guys having sex. With that We both came at the same time. I could feel a rush a pleasure running through me, I had a brief moment of a feeling of freedom. My mind just went blank. I was free… yet so alone…

-----(0)-----

-no POV-

Quatre was downstairs cleaning up he could clearly hear the events going on upstairs he couldn't help but wonder what happened last night to make Duo so upset. Quatre put the last of the glass in the garbage and then he washed off the grape juice from around the kitchen. Quatre let a few tears run down his cheeks. _Was Duo telling the truth to me before? Or was he lying when he called me beautiful? But Duo never lies at least I have never seen him and he says he never lies but I did sense him trying to deceive me with his words, but I can tell that there is something he was not telling me. I know it has something to do with Heero and possibly Trowa. Did Heero brake up with Duo and go on to Trowa? I don't know but I have a feeling I'm right. _Quatre thought to himself as he sat down on the couch. Waiting for what he didn't know just something…

**TBC…**

**End Notes:** OMG! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! THE CAPTER IS ACTUALLY FINISHED. cheers OMG, OMG, OMG! It took me forever but I did it. Oh and thanks to my new friend in China! You've been a big help! Well the next update will be in Gundam Christmas. Oh and there will be a one-shot coming out as soon as I update on a few more stories.

**_REVIEW!_**


	4. Thoughts

'Thinking'  
"Talking"

Death and Rebirth  
Chapter 4- Lost  
By: Raven's Midnight Light

Duo's POV

Wufei and I are still lying in bed on our backs, I think Wufei is asleep but I'm not sure. I don't want to risk waking him if he is, and I don't think I can look at him at the moment. I feel so empty and slightly dirty but I don't care well I do care about the empty part. The only time since Heero broke up with me that I didn't feel empty was when I had Wufei inside me pounding into me tearing me up inside. The only time I could block out the emotional grief. I don't know what to do anymore I just feel hopeless, I feel so lost…

No POV

Wufei turns his head slightly and looks at Duo who was staring blankly at the ceiling he knew something was wrong because he came to him. Duo usually comes to him when he was in need of physical contact he couldn't get from Heero because he was away on a mission. Wufei also found it odd that lately Heero has been ignoring Duo way more then usual. 'Maybe something is going on between Heero and Duo. Heero has been pulling away from Duo a lot more now. Heero and Duo are one of the strangest couples I've ever seen. You can tell they obviously love each and they are really passionate. They can't get enough of each other yet for some reason they pull away from each other and Duo ends up in my bed. Not that I don't mind his company it's just mind bubbling.' Wufei thought as he watched Duo who was now drifting off to sleep. Just then Wufei could have sworn he saw a tear fall from Duo's eye. Now he knew something was wrong. Wufei decided to listen to Duo when he wanted to talk for any reason at all, But right now he knew all Duo wanted was to sleep. Wufei moved closer to Duo and wrapped an arm around him in a reassuring embrace that he was here.

Downstairs Quatre was trying to make sense on what happened before. He didn't know but he did agree with Wufei that Heero and Duo's relationship was an odd one indeed. It always seemed like a push and pull kind of thing. The love, intensity, and passion was there but there was something missing that neither Wufei or Quatre could put a finger on.

Quatre got up off the couch and wondered around the main floor aimlessly trying to think of something. His senses were triggering and he could feel Duo was in pain but he knew from past experiences that if he pushed too soon to try to comfort or tried talking to him Duo would just push him further away. Quatre also had a feeling that this time reaching Duo would be much harder then any other time Duo was thrown into a depression.

Quatre walked into the kitchen, now cleaned of the juice and glass that was thrown about. He'd never seen Duo so upset before. It pained and scared him not ever in the time Quatre had known Duo had he ever witnessed such fury within the braided pilot.

T. B. C.

End Notes: It's still not done… I'm suffering from writer's block for all my current on-going fan fictions. I'm such a pathetic author. As Soon as I get at least one of my stories done I won't give up! I just need a little encouragement from my readers…. Love me? Hate me? Let me know.


End file.
